when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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