i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize