i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
