My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
