I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well I can't set my house on fire every night
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
