just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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