You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
