Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
