I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
