We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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