I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
its not stalking. its research.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
