Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
