I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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