Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
