how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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