It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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