You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
