I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
