So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
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its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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