all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
