I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
