I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
