I heard we made out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
