His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
