I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
