At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
