I puked a lego.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
