You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
