guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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