WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i've created a new STD.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
