is wine microwaveable?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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