spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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