are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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