It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
