tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
