at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
