I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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