I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
