did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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