White coat. Heels.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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