Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
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stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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