Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
