i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
