I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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