I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
