did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
