he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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