You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wish my penis had a tongue
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
