my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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