woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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