I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
