we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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