just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
