It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
