What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I smell stomach acid.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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