either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
