dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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