she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
