I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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