I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
