I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
