how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
