drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.