i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES