the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad