Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
